


duomyth

by Mertiya



Series: Mundane Outliers [2]
Category: Everyday Abnormal (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Carlos tries to be The Perfect Boyfriend, Developing Relationship, Lilith and Rhine have some brother/sister moments too, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rhine flips a shit, Working through your shit, it kinda backfires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:10:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/pseuds/Mertiya
Summary: Carlos tries to switch up some things in the bedroom.  Unfortunately, he stirs up some unexpected panic in Rhine, and Rhine does not handle it as well as he could.





	duomyth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zomburai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zomburai/gifts).



            “Hey, babe, just wondering if you wanted to try something different?” Carlos gave Rhine his patented goddamn heartbreakingly sincere smile as he sat back on his heels.

            “Sure,” Rhine replied, although he was dizzy enough with hormones he had to resist a whine of disappointment and a _please take me now_.

            “I just figured, you know, mix things up?” He winked— _fuck_ , thought Rhine, _kill me now_ —and deposited the normal container of lube into Rhine’s hand. Rhine stared at it.

            “Oh,” he said. “Uh. You want me to—uh.”

            “Well, I know you’ve never had a boyfriend before, and I just thought—”

            It was very thoughtful. Very careful, very sweet, very _Carlos_. So the sudden strange cold-water-shock to the back of Rhine’s neck was totally unwarranted, and probably meant that he was an ungrateful son-of-a-bitch. After all, it was _good_ to try things (again). The fact that his heart-rate had just climbed was completely attributable to arousal.

            “Awesome!” _Awesome. Wow. That doesn’t sound forced at all, great job, Rhine._ “I mean, yeah, I’d love to try—it.”

            Slight pucker in Carlos’s forehead, slight tilt of the head. “We don’t have to,” he said. “If you’re uncomfortable—”

            “No!” Rhine reached out and took the lube, maybe just a shade too fast. “No, I’m not uncomfortable, I was just surprised. I’d love to. Try that. For the first time.” _Second_.

            This was fine. Perfectly normal. Rhine wasn’t sure why he felt the need to take that strange, long, deep breath. Carlos, after one more careful, inquiring look, gave him another smile and laid back against the pillows. “We can go slow,” he said. “We’d—probably better go slow, actually, I haven’t done this so much either.”

            “Just try to relax,” Rhine told him, carefully squirting a liberal amount of lubricant into the palm of his hand. He shuffled forward along the bed, breathing in the smell of sweat and leather, and carefully kissed his way up Carlos’s slightly-trembling thigh. Carlos was a little tight as Rhine inserted a single finger, but he was perfectly willing to be patient. They had plenty of time.

            “You okay?” he asked.

            “Feels a little weird,” Carlos admitted. “But I’m fine, don’t worry.”

            Rhine let speech lapse, focusing at this point on working his boyfriend open slowly and cautiously. Very slowly. He half-expected Carlos to tell him to go faster, but Carlos just lay back and made soft noises and let him work. Rhine had to keep pausing, because for some reason he felt like he had less room than he did; the contours of the bed kept not being quite where he expected them to be. He went to two fingers, then three. He considered going to four. The quiet was broken by nothing other than the sound of traffic outside.

            “Okay,” he said. “You good?”

            “Mmm,” hummed Carlos. “Yes. I’m ready, Rhine.”

            “Okay,” Rhine said again, then felt absurd. He was chewing on the inside of his lip as he popped the condom out of its packet and rolled it on.

            “You have to—”

            “Pinch the tip, make sure there’s room, and roll it on. Yeah, I know.” He was already doing it.

            “Sorry, I guess you’ve seen me do it enough.” _They’d gone through three before they hadn’t fucked it up. Colin had helped. The two of them had laughed until they were breathless, choking on nerves and adrenaline._

“Sorry,” Rhine apologized back. “Um.” He leaned forward and Carlos put careful hands on his hips and then gave him an almost shy smile. He wasn’t usually so taciturn in bed. “You’re _sure_ you want to do this?” Rhine asked. He wondered where the smell of leather was coming from.

            “I trust you. I want to do this with you.” _I want to. I want to, with you._

            Oh, god.

            “ _Shit_.” Rhine folded forward for a moment, pressing his hands into his eyes. “I—I can’t. Oh, god, I’m so sorry, I just—” He was fumbling for his pants.

            “Rhine?” Carlos sounded so sincere, so worried, and Rhine was crying now.

            “I can’t, I have to go, fuck, I’m sorry, I have to go.” He stripped the condom off, pulling his shirt and pants back on without even thinking.

            “Rhine, wait, what—”

            “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s not, I just—I just have—I need—” No, no, no. He was okay. He was okay. He was _okay_. Leather, leather, leather, like the smell of an old car interior baked in the sun. Oh _god_.

            “Rhine!”

            “I’ll—I’ll—I’ll text you.” He needed out. He was okay. He needed out.

            He took a taxi home, realized he’d left his bike at Carlos’s apartment, decided not to worry about it, went inside, turned off his phone, and locked himself in the bathroom. He stripped off his clothes, turned on the shower, and sat down under the warm water with his hands over his face. What the _hell_ was wrong with him? It hadn’t even been a proper flashback, and it hadn’t been to anything _bad_. He needed to text Carlos. He needed to apologize. He needed to get his shit together and go make himself eat something, at least. In lieu of doing any of that, he instead sat inside the shower, with his face in his hands.

            He was over this, he told himself hopelessly. This was stupid, he tried. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, except blueballing his poor, confused boyfriend. He sure as hell wasn’t _cheating_ on someone who was _dead_. What kind of idiot would even _think_ that? And he hadn’t had any problems up till now, because he was over it. Sure, it hurt, and sure, sometimes he still had nightmares, but he’d done his grieving. He’d moved on.

            He’d moved on, he told himself firmly. So now he had to get out of the shower and go make dinner, text Carlos, and fix everything. Everything would be fine, if he could just do that. So he would do it. In five minutes.

~

            Rhine blinked his eyes. He was shivering and his back hurt, and he wasn’t exactly sure what had woke him up until the knocking noise came again. Then he staggered upright, nearly slipping on the water collected beneath him. Dizzy and disoriented, he got himself out of the bathtub and stared over at the little window in his wall. There was a dragon looking in at him.

            He yelped and fell onto his butt on the floor. “Rhine!” Lilith’s voice. Lilith. What was she—oh, _shit_ , he was naked. “You okay in there?”

            “Give me a second! What are you even— _what_.”

            Grabbing for a towel, he managed to wrap it around his waist and stagger over to the window. Lilith was sitting on the dragon’s nose. “Okay, you’re not dead,” she said. “Good. Glad to know. Text your boyfriend and let him know, will you?”

            “Wh-Wh-What?” Rhine’s teeth were chattering. How long had he been asleep? When had the hot water run out?

            “Are you okay? May I come in?”

            Rhine stared at her. “You know, doors exist.”

            “You weren’t answering, and I thought rather than breaking down your door, I would check round your apartment. Thanks, Mel.” The dragon rumbled something that was probably an acknowledgement.

            “Jesus,” Rhine said, limply. “Yeah, sure—come on in, I guess.”

            She alighted on the window-sill, letting herself down inside, and pulled out her phone. “You mind if I tell your boyfriend you’re not dead?”

            “Uh.” Shit, shit, _shit_. “No, that would be—that would be good. Thank you.”

            She frowned at the phone for a moment, typing something out, then looked back to him. “Rhine,” she said, gently, and he cringed. “What’s wrong?”

            He folded miserably in on himself, sinking down onto the toilet, and pulling his towel around him. “Carlos tried to let me top,” he mumbled. “And I—couldn’t.”

            “Aw.” Lilith ruffled his hair. “That happens to every guy sometimes.”

            He shot her an irritable look. “Not like that. Like. I. The last time I was, um—” his face was getting red, “—last time I was in that position was with—” He took a deep breath, but Lilith knew, thank god, she _knew_ —“with Colin.” He sighed.

            Lilith’s hand moved from his hair gently down to his shoulder. “I see,” she said, quietly.

            “I know I should be over this by now,” Rhine burst out. “I know. _God_ , do I know. And—I mean—it can’t be a flashback if the thing you’re remembering is _good_ , can it?”

            The hand on his shoulder squeezed a little. “Maybe you should talk to Carlos,” Lilith suggested, gently. “But either way, Rhine—it’s okay to be not okay. You know that, right?”

            He glanced sideways and up at her. “Um,” he said, then sighed. “I thought I did? Now I’m—not so sure.”

            They sat and looked at each other for a minute. “God,” Lilith said, “your hands are all wrinkled. What did you do, fall asleep in the shower?”

            Rhine felt his ears getting hot. “I plead the fifth.”

            She punched his arm, lightly. “Okay, dry yourself off, and I’ll make you something hot to drink. Any requests?”

            “Just some hot chocolate sounds nice. Maybe, uh…I think I have some Bailey’s in a cupboard somewhere—”

            “One hot chocolate plus booze coming right up. Also—do at least _try_ to get back to your boyfriend in a timely manner, okay?”

            Scrunching his shoulders together and dipping his head, Rhine managed a nod. “I’ll—try.”

~

            Morosely, Rhine scrolled through his phone as he leaned against the railing. Technically, he’d gotten back to Carlos. _Technically._

__

__

__

            “Rhine.”

            He sucked in a hasty breath, clicked his phone shut, and looked up. Carlos was standing beside him, looking achingly serious and a little tired.

            “Hey.” Rhine looked away again, because this was hard enough without watching how differently Carlos looked at him now. “Um.” He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to start, and he had to make sure he wasn’t going to cry, because holy shit would that be incredibly unfair to Carlos. After a minute, he stooped down and pulled out the wrapped bag of coffee beans he’d securely stowed in his backpack before coming. Carlos, who did not approve of Rhine’s usual terrible instant coffee, had taken to leaving a bag of his favorite specialty coffee in his boyfriend’s cupboard. “Here,” Rhine said thickly, shoving it at him. “Here’s your emergency coffee back.”

            “Your breakup speech is ‘here’s your emergency coffee back’?”

            Rhine’s eyes fluttered up to Carlos’s face, and somehow, he managed an awkward grin. “Oh, uh, no, sorry.” He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “Okay. Go ahead, I figure I deserve whatever speech you have saved up.”

            There was a pause, and then Carlos’s arms were around him, and he was being held tightly. “You— _Rhine_ ,” Carlos said, into his ear. “For five hours, I thought you were _dead_ , okay?”

            It was hard to take a deep breath with Carlos’s arms around him. “I’m getting some mixed messages here,” Rhine said, in a very small voice. “I’m really, _really_ sorry for worrying you, I just. I couldn’t face it till now.”

            “Face _what_?”

            “Well, I couldn’t talk to you for two days, and by the time I felt like I _could_ , I knew it was too late, and that you were going to break up with me, but then I felt like I couldn’t deal with _that_ , so it—it just dragged on, and now I’ve made you wait for a week and a half before you could just get this whole horrible mess over with and behind you. And, you’re—still hugging me, for some reason, I’m honestly a little bit confused about why the hug is happening, although I’m not objecting, I’m just—”

            “Mary, mother of God,” muttered Carlos, and then he cupped a hand gently under Rhine’s chin, and kissed him solidly on the mouth.

            “Uh,” said Rhine, after half a minute of tongue.

            “I’m not breaking up with you.”

            “What.”

            Carlos sighed, letting go of him and putting a hand to his own forehead. “I’m _really_ angry at you, Rhine, but I’m angry at you because I _like_ you. I also—” his eyes slid to the side. “I also recognize that I have a tendency to jump to worst-case scenarios when someone’s not answering their phone, so that’s not—all on you.”

            “You’re—not—okay, I think I might need a minute to collect myself.” Rhine leaned over the railing, clutching the coffee, trying to take breaths. A pair of patient hands was laid carefully onto his shoulders.

            “We really need to talk, though,” Carlos said after a minute.

            “Yeah,” Rhine agreed in a low voice.

            “I’m still not entirely clear on what happened.”

            “Yeah. I know. But, um, in future I will try to—to—talk to you when I’m panicking?”

            “If you need somewhere else to be, you can tell me. We can designate a room to be Rhine’s Panic Room if you need it.”

            Rhine snorted, then sighed. “I—I guess it couldn’t hurt. I’m, um. I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships.”

            “You’ve said,” Carlos replied, quietly. “Rhine—if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to, but—were you—” Pause, beat. “—did something happen to you when you were younger?”

            “Was it that obvious,” Rhine deadpanned in response.

            Again, there was a very long pause. Carlos’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “You know, we don’t have to have sex at all,” he said, his voice low but carefully casual.

            “Huh?” Rhine turned to look at Carlos, his face very still, his body curving out and away as if he were almost afraid to get too close. As if he thought Rhine would spook. “Oh, shit. No. Nonono. I didn’t mean—shit. I wasn’t—no one did anything like _that_ to me, no.”

            Something that might be a puzzled frown. “Oh-kay. So, the sex thing…was it something I did?”

            Rhine shook his head. “No, it was—weird and stupid. Kind of. So.” He blew out his breath. “I should have told you this before, I guess, but—well. I know I told you I’d never been in a relationship before, which is true, but.” He had to remind himself to breath. “So the thing is, I wasn’t a virgin when I met you. I had sex with this guy at the end of high school—well, a couple of mutual blow-jobs and then we kind of fucked in the back of his car in the parking lot of his church. He asked me to prom. Kind of. We probably—we probably _would_ have been a thing if he hadn’t been a virgin sacrifice two days after our first time.”

            “Wait…”

            “Well. They _thought_ he was a virgin.” Rhine pressed his hands into his forehead. “Actually that misconception slightly saved the world. It’s how the Agency found me in the first place. Technically I saved the world by having awkward teenage sex in the back of a car. We did. Me and Colin.”

            “So your first boyfriend—”

            “He wasn’t, that’s the thing.” It was all spilling over now; recklessly, Rhine kept talking. “He wasn’t out to anyone but his sister—he was on the _football_ team, for Christ’s sake—he _couldn’t_ be out, and we just—we fooled around, but we didn’t get to have a relationship. We—I think we would have, I really think—and I mean we were in high school, right? It wouldn’t have lasted. High school relationships never last. We’d have drifted apart, or one or other of us would’ve lost it under the strain of being closeted, or—god, I don’t know. It wouldn’t even have _lasted_. It would already be over, if—if it had ever—if he hadn’t—so I don’t know—why I can’t just—let it go—” And, oh shit, he was crying again.

            “Losing someone—especially losing someone to violence—really fucks you up.” Rhine’s head whipped up, because Carlos tended to avoid more casual profanity. His brows were drawn down, his mouth pinched. “There’s a kind of lack of closure, I suppose.”

            “Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Rhine conceded. “And anyways—” he took a deep breath. “This isn’t usually a problem, but it _is_ , I guess, why I usually, uh, uh, bottom. I’m not sure I even realized it? But when you—I just—it was like a flashback.” He flexed his hand. “It was like a flashback, except it was to something _good_. Fuck. I am _so_ sorry.”

            “It’s okay.” Rhine pulled a face. “No, really. Rhine. I’ve—lost people, too. What you’re dealing with is—it’s normal. It’s okay.”

            “It’s just, it’s over.” Tipping his head back, Rhine stared up at the sky. “It’s over. He’s dead. He’s dead, and I’m with you, and I _want_ to be. I just—”

            “You never got that closure.”

            “Yeah.” With a shaky breath, he leaned sideways against Carlos, and his boyfriend slid an arm around his waist and held him. “It’s actually, like—the whole they thought he was a virgin thing? Because he was gay? It’s the kind of thing you laugh at. I don’t know how to handle that. Colin and I would have _laughed_ at it if it was a movie plot or something. Except he’s dead, and it’s not funny.”

            Carlos pressed a kiss into the side of his forehead. “I get it. And I’m glad you told me.”

            “Uh, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

            “Apology accepted.”

            “Do I need to grovel?”

            “It might be appropriate. You did scare me a lot.”

            “Right. Yeah. That’s extremely fair.” He slid out of Carlos’s grip and went to his knees on the path.

            “Rhine—what—”

            Shooting a lopsided grin upwards, Rhine slid a hand up the back of Carlos’s leg. “I’m groveling. _Obviously_.”

            Carlos was going slightly red. “Maybe you should not do that in the middle of the Corridor. People might, um…”

            “Someone might get ideas?” Rhine winked, but he got up and dusted off the knees of his jeans. “Okay, I’ll save it for later.” He took a deep breath. “I am really sorry, though, and I’m _really_ grateful that you’re taking this so well. I don’t deserve you.”

            “That’s too bad,” Carlos returned, “because you’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere.” He took Rhine’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m not going _anywhere_.”


End file.
